An in depth pal was supposed to start her I.V.F. injections on the similar time, however she determined to postpone on the final minute as a result of Covid instances had been so high in our space. By that time, we had been so pushed in our pursuit of pregnancy that I was startled to hear her say that, because the thought had by no means even crossed my thoughts.

I haven’t any method of realizing for positive if I was uncovered to the virus someday throughout this final fertility therapy. The surgical middle is on a giant medical campus that additionally hosts a Covid-19 testing drive-through within the storage the place we parked. We additionally waited, masks on, for nearly an hour exterior the building, which we thought was a safer selection than the fertility clinic ready room, however that truly put us in proximity to a lot of sick individuals ready for rides house.

I additionally had to take away my masks simply earlier than the precise egg retrieval, as a result of I was beneath anesthesia and the docs wanted fast entry to my mouth in case I wanted a respiration tube.

Five days after the egg retrieval, we discovered we had been Covid-positive. I known as the clinic instantly to warn them; the fertility physician instructed me a few days later that none of her staffers had gotten sick. And additionally that not one of the eggs they retrieved from me had developed correctly. We had no embryos to use.

Of course, as anybody who has performed fertility remedies is aware of, all the risks and dangers we undertook would have been “worth it” if it had labored. Because it didn’t work for us, I felt defeated and silly.

In sum, we wished to give Goldie a sibling, however doing so might have been what threatened her mom’s life. This thought haunts me and can stick with me endlessly, though I’ll by no means know the way precisely the virus entered our house.

Our nanny, who additionally skilled Covid signs and examined constructive three days earlier than us, might have picked it up on the grocery store. We might have gotten it from her, or whereas strolling round our neighborhood or taking part in within the park. But the act of selecting, over and over, to have interaction in fertility remedies because the pandemic raged on, fills me with doubt and regret.

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